I totally need to get something off my chest, in regards to a lot men in this era. I’m not even sure how to start this. I’m so irritated right now.
Have we REALLY reached an era of commitment phobic men?
Is this an era because of how women have began treating men?
Or, is this because of the convenience of online dating, Tinder type apps, etc?
Or, is it pure self indulgent laziness?
I currently have 3 guys who I’m attracted to, and they’re attracted to me. We’ve talked a lot. We know each other in person. One has long history with me. One has been a romantic interest for a few years. One is a fairly new addition to the male/female friendship dance. They express a deep interest in me. Each, in their own way, have said positive things about me, “You’re amazing. You’re rad. You’re awesome. ” At the end of the day, however, all they can handle “…fun, unique, amazing, special friendship (i.e. sex / friends with benefits).
So, it’s either, I’m good enough for sex but will never be good enough for anything further. Which leads me to believe compliments are actually pick-up lines with blurred intentions. Have men really lost the wooing and pursuing edge to dating? I am tired of being put into a situation where I have to defend myself in regards to why I’m worthy. That never leaves a great taste in my mouth. I’ll be damned if I am going to sell myself short anymore.
I really hate the term “friends with benefits”. Whomever coined that word, needs to be shot. Seriously. It’s a fancy way of saying, “I just want to fuck.” Because really, who stays friends in that manner? It doesn’t work that way. FWB is the equivalent of “Booty Call”, just stated more eloquently… more socially acceptable… more “pleasant”. Just say it for what it is. You want to fuck and get your rocks off. You don’t give a shit about the person that surrounds that glory hole.
Because if you break down what “FWB” actually means, it means a committed effing relationship. However, these men want to take it one step further and be polyamorous; which again, goes back to commitment phobia. A committed relationship IS, by all definitions of the words, FRIENDS with BENEFITS. I mean, you laugh, you share, you care, you hold, you cry, you fight… and you have sex.
The main thing is, I am not even at a place where I WANT or can HANDLE a relationship. I’m totally committed to working on myself. But, I like the idea of the opportunity being there. I don’t like being shut down before even having the chance to have something grow. Being told you’re great FWB material, is literally saying to me, “You’re not worth more. I’m holding out and saving it for someone better.”
When they preface a friendship with, “I’m totally down to fuck (which I’ve been told, just like that) and I’m totally open to friends with benefits” tells me that they’ve already predefined my worth in regards to relationships. My last blog shows that I have A LOT of fucked up thoughts towards sex. I don’t want an “insta” relationship, seriously. I’m not at that point. But I feel I’ve been road blocked before even having the chance to GROW into one.
Am I wrong?
It can make a gal feel defeated, deflated and not worth being in love with.