My Life

Vicious Cycle


Ya know… this week has been weird emotionally. Really depressed and panicky feeling. I mean it’s weird, like I”m not sure I’m going to cry or freak out at the drop of a hat. I am not sure if it’s the weather, or an indication of something pending. I feel almost like a skiddish cat venturing out from under the bed slowly.

I am also not sure if it’s something to do with the sarcoidosis. I had a horrible weekend on the sarcoid front; body aches, lots of sleeping, super tender skin. I know they say a lot of people who have sarcoid get a bit depressed, but mainly from the weight gain from the steroids. I don’t know if it’s because it’s winter, therefor it gets dark earlier and stays dark longer in the morning. I know that I do have depression, but I have been pretty good in regards to that. I just feel this weight, this heaviness in my soul that has radiated out to my fingers. I get caught in this cycle of getting pretty low that my energy is nonexistant, and I tend to sleep more.

When I do sleep, I find that I’m violently waking myself up about an hour into sleeping. I mean, heavy muscle jerking and startling myself awake. Much like when you’re dreaming you’re falling and you violently wake up right before you hit the ground. My sleep has been totally disrupted.

Not sure what’s going on. I know I’ve talked to others who are in the same rut.

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