Compassion, Counseling, Forgiveness, Friends, Friendship, Happiness, Healing, Hug, Journey, Love, My Life, Negative People, Outrage, Positivity, Self Esteem

Facebook is the devil.

emotional-baggage

I have had a bad string of luck in regards to friends and keeping friends. My mind set for many years has been, “Why do you keep attracting such negative individuals?” I would place blame causing drama to follow suit. I am not perfect, I know it.. believe me I know it. I am, however, working towards correcting those misconceptions I have within myself, and changing my outlook. An incident yesterday has brought me back into the now as a reminder of my responsibilities.

The only thing I really try to avoid is workplace drama; it’s like the one place that can be my sanctuary. The realization that I want things to be cohesive and harmonious was after the last few let goes from jobs; lay offs not ‘fires.’ It’s called growth and reflection. So.. since my last job, I’ve tried to surround myself with positive messages, tapestries, pictures, etc. I went into this current position with the daily affirmations of “I will not let the stress get to me. I will not partake of the drama. I will do my job the best to my ability.” Today, I failed… epically.

I made a friend. It’s taken a lot since last year’s friend fiasco, the depression that followed, and ultimately leading me up to the counseling. I am totally terrified of reaching out and accepting an hand in friendship. My experiences have totally jaded me; but, alas, at this job I did. I totally dig her, totally. She’s like an older sister. She provides guidance, support, a good ear. Everything I realized I was missing by hiding in my house and avoiding everyone. I believe that was shattered last night… and all because of that horrible thing called miscommunication.

I don’t want to get into the specifics, but, I do want to touch on how it makes me feel (since I am supposed to tap into my feelings per my therapist). I am huge on communication, and I am NOT a liar. Those are the two things I hold firm in any relationship. I literally tell my husband everything; he’ll tell you. I don’t hide anything from my son if he asks. I think a huge part of all drama in anyone’s life is miscommunication and inability to be honest with one another. Instead of coming to me, the “source” of the issue according to her, she types some shit out on facebook (the devil to all relationships, seriously). I immediately feel concerned and hurt. My hurt and concern to her is then interpreted as “guilt.” I have nothing to feel guilty about, if she had come to me and talked to me like an adult this all would have been rectified.

All night last night, ok maybe obsessive on my part, I called and text her. I was really worried about her, knowing there’s a lot going on in her personal life too. Again, instead of talking to me, she took it to facebook and interpreted it as “guilt.” What ever happened to someone being legitimately concerned for a friend? When are we going to learn to talk to each other again, instead of going public like a new cast lynching? Our society is SO lacking this now. Just fucking turn to the person next to you, and tell them what’s bothering you.

The whole situation ended up in the hub manager’s office, with him, her, office manager and myself. I tried to remain calm, but was met with defensiveness. I was met with “you statements” which, of course, put me on the defensive. I tried to ask her to stick to fact and the miscommunication that took place. Instead it was a lot of finger pointing and blame placing. I ended up leaving by saying, “this is pointless.”

Here’s the kicker, at the end of two weeks she’s going to move into the office manager’s position. .. yes, this means my “friend” is now going to be my “boss.” I am feeling a bit uncomfortable, not only is my zen work environment totally chaotic, but my friend/work relationship is now tainted. I’m afraid I’m going to lose my job. I’m afraid of the stress and animosity that is left behind.

And, ALL IN ALL, … it could have been totally avoided with communication. I don’t know what to do. We’re both bull headed. We’re both pretty stern. I don’t think it’s going to work out, honestly. I trust my gut, and it’s a gut feeling. I really dig her. I fucking HATE losing friends, it’s so hard for me to trust and open up to make them.

Lessons Learned:
A. Don’t befriend coworkers, period.
B. Give a breathing period after the cork of miscommunication has been broken.
C. Stick to your guns, but do it diplomatically.
D. Before reacting to anything, pull myself back and analyze. ( I should know this by now!)
E. Communication does NOT mean take it to a social media site and air it. Go TO the person and discuss the differences.

Advertisements

12 thoughts on “Facebook is the devil.”

  1. This is one of the reasons that I try to avoid social network sites. I mean, I use them, but not to the extent of everyone else on the planet. I really try to avoid drama as much as possible but for some reason, the people that I end up befriending are drama magnets and they always try to suck me in. These are also the same kind of people that when I don’t see things their way they feel that they need to force their view point on me by any and all ways possible, and it always makes more problems for me (even legally sometimes), violates the trust that I have given these people and brings a very abrupt end to friendships. Because of this, I too am jaded and not very trusting of people.

    1. I couldn’t agree more. It has taken a year of baby steps to actually seek friends out. What makes it doubly worse is the fact that she’s a coworker, soon to be immediate boss.

      All over a stupid ass miscommunication. Why can’t adults just… be adult enough to ask each other, “Hey, so and so said _____ and I was concerned about it. Can we talk?”

  2. I read this a few hours ago…but as you know it sometimes takes me a while to digest things. LOL Maybe you could say something to her like “Hey! How about if we both put our big girl panties on and talk about this so we can clear the air and move on?” Is she willing to talk some more about the situation? Do you want me to go down there and have a little chat with her? Rough her up a bit for ya? (You know I’m just kidding. LOL) I’m sorry you have to go through all this stuff, honey. I’ll send you some positive thoughts and energy. Baby steps…”One day at a time” xoxo

    1. She is totally unreceptive to a mature discussion. When we tried yesterday it was very negative and attacking. She even made the comment, “I’m here to do a job, NOT make friends.” That hurt. I mean, that really hurt. I think she’s incapable at this point to mature up and talk. I don’t think she needs a roughing up, I really think she just needs a hug. She’s on the defensive all the time… *\o/* Go me for attracting another person like this.

  3. Ugh…so sorry you took the chance and it ended up like this. Friggin drama 😦

    I had a similar situation on FB, but with a family member, that I actually had to unfriend. It really sucks but really made me rethink who I ‘add’ as my friend. Hugs and happy thoughts to you, my friend.

  4. Ugh. Yes, Facebook certainly can be the devil, can’t it? At least in my situation, the person is several states away and NOT my boss ( I work for myself and thus I am free to harass myself as I see fit !)
    🙂
    I hope things will smooth out for you at the work-place – your soon-to-be boss sounds like a real T-waffle!!!!

    1. Thank you for stopping by you incredible you! I do have to say that she really isn’t a T-Waffle. Unfortunately, since we were friends, I know a lot of her history. She wasn’t taught proper coping skills for miscommunication or the likes. She actually came up to me and talked, very very little.

      I think once she was informed of the truth, what really happened surrounding the “incident”… she had no choice step back and reanalyze.

      I look forward to reading more of your blogs, you bloody crack me up. The, “Red Tent Parties….” wow!

Leave a Reply

Please log in using one of these methods to post your comment:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s