I have had a bad string of luck in regards to friends and keeping friends. My mind set for many years has been, “Why do you keep attracting such negative individuals?” I would place blame causing drama to follow suit. I am not perfect, I know it.. believe me I know it. I am, however, working towards correcting those misconceptions I have within myself, and changing my outlook. An incident yesterday has brought me back into the now as a reminder of my responsibilities.
The only thing I really try to avoid is workplace drama; it’s like the one place that can be my sanctuary. The realization that I want things to be cohesive and harmonious was after the last few let goes from jobs; lay offs not ‘fires.’ It’s called growth and reflection. So.. since my last job, I’ve tried to surround myself with positive messages, tapestries, pictures, etc. I went into this current position with the daily affirmations of “I will not let the stress get to me. I will not partake of the drama. I will do my job the best to my ability.” Today, I failed… epically.
I made a friend. It’s taken a lot since last year’s friend fiasco, the depression that followed, and ultimately leading me up to the counseling. I am totally terrified of reaching out and accepting an hand in friendship. My experiences have totally jaded me; but, alas, at this job I did. I totally dig her, totally. She’s like an older sister. She provides guidance, support, a good ear. Everything I realized I was missing by hiding in my house and avoiding everyone. I believe that was shattered last night… and all because of that horrible thing called miscommunication.
I don’t want to get into the specifics, but, I do want to touch on how it makes me feel (since I am supposed to tap into my feelings per my therapist). I am huge on communication, and I am NOT a liar. Those are the two things I hold firm in any relationship. I literally tell my husband everything; he’ll tell you. I don’t hide anything from my son if he asks. I think a huge part of all drama in anyone’s life is miscommunication and inability to be honest with one another. Instead of coming to me, the “source” of the issue according to her, she types some shit out on facebook (the devil to all relationships, seriously). I immediately feel concerned and hurt. My hurt and concern to her is then interpreted as “guilt.” I have nothing to feel guilty about, if she had come to me and talked to me like an adult this all would have been rectified.
All night last night, ok maybe obsessive on my part, I called and text her. I was really worried about her, knowing there’s a lot going on in her personal life too. Again, instead of talking to me, she took it to facebook and interpreted it as “guilt.” What ever happened to someone being legitimately concerned for a friend? When are we going to learn to talk to each other again, instead of going public like a new cast lynching? Our society is SO lacking this now. Just fucking turn to the person next to you, and tell them what’s bothering you.
The whole situation ended up in the hub manager’s office, with him, her, office manager and myself. I tried to remain calm, but was met with defensiveness. I was met with “you statements” which, of course, put me on the defensive. I tried to ask her to stick to fact and the miscommunication that took place. Instead it was a lot of finger pointing and blame placing. I ended up leaving by saying, “this is pointless.”
Here’s the kicker, at the end of two weeks she’s going to move into the office manager’s position. .. yes, this means my “friend” is now going to be my “boss.” I am feeling a bit uncomfortable, not only is my zen work environment totally chaotic, but my friend/work relationship is now tainted. I’m afraid I’m going to lose my job. I’m afraid of the stress and animosity that is left behind.
And, ALL IN ALL, … it could have been totally avoided with communication. I don’t know what to do. We’re both bull headed. We’re both pretty stern. I don’t think it’s going to work out, honestly. I trust my gut, and it’s a gut feeling. I really dig her. I fucking HATE losing friends, it’s so hard for me to trust and open up to make them.
A. Don’t befriend coworkers, period.
B. Give a breathing period after the cork of miscommunication has been broken.
C. Stick to your guns, but do it diplomatically.
D. Before reacting to anything, pull myself back and analyze. ( I should know this by now!)
E. Communication does NOT mean take it to a social media site and air it. Go TO the person and discuss the differences.