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The Life Wheel – Relationships

The Life Wheel – Relationships

 

The whole reason I sought counseling in the first place was because of my severe failure in this thing called “relationships.” I had a rough go around with friends, the definition of friend and how terribly lacking in skills I was. I thought it rather fitting to start with this life wheel spoke, since it was the foundation of me getting “better” in the first place. I have put a lot of thought into the goals over the next five years for this topic. These are what I’ve come up with, and why.

  • Be more receptive of friendship and love
  • Be more reciprocal of both time and effort to be friends
  • Slow down and learn to really listen to the other person 

Since friends to me are more of a chosen family than they are ‘friends” it is important for me to be really receptive of their love; even if that means they are expressing an area of concern with me. As soon as my mind hears a constructive criticism it warps it to be an attack, thus closing me off for any possible acknowledgment. I become really unreceptive; physically, mentally and emotionally. I will sit there, arms tightly crossed over my chest. My eyes and ears focus elsewhere. And my mind immediately goes to that place where I’m defending myself mentally. I am aware of this and I have steadily began working on this area. Now, having listed it as an official goal, I hope that in the next five years my mental, physical and emotional receptive abilities are more positive.


Another area of problem for me is being open and reciprocal of both time and effort to meet, greet and get together with

friends. I have a huge social anxiety, most likely stemmed from my weight, where I usually bag out at the last minute. I loathe the telephone, and the length of time it takes to talk. I have no problem being totally open on the internet though. I am aware that friendship needs face to face contact to thrive in a healthier manner. I know that I have this mental road block preventing me from following through with friends. I don’t know why. I can guess because I’ve been burned by “friends” in the past. I’m totally afraid of judgment, back talking, and constantly focus on defending my right to be here. Looking back now, I see the irony in what I wrote. A friend doesn’t put a friend through those things. A friend is there for you, but…I have to be there for them as well.

 

Two Way Street

In the aspect of ‘being there’ for a friend, really comes down to slowing my life down and actually listening. Life and friendship are a two way street. I have to learn to stop being in my mind and learn to live from my heart. I can’t stop talking… especially when a friend just needs to be heard. I’ve got this problem, see.. where I’m thinking of the next thing to say without really fully listening to what they are saying to me. So, within the next five years I want to slllllooooowww down and learn to be more present, calm and open to friends.

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6 thoughts on “The Life Wheel – Relationships

  1. All very good points! I am a yacker as well and often forget to listen to others…..I am working on it though…..though for a true yacker….it is not easy…. 🙂

    1. You’re so right, it isn’t easy. But, now that we’ve acknowledge it.. the next step is to really pay attention to our actions. Here’s to you and your efforts too my friend.

      :: hug ::

  2. Your honesty is so raw and beautiful. I’ve always hated the phone and have also struggled with social anxiety… I definitely relate to this post.

    You’re beautiful, Regan. Keep evolving and opening your heart to love. You deserve a wonderful life, filled with as much love possible ❤

    1. Thank you so much Jaclyn for your open comment. I find it so much easier to relate to people on the internet, I really want to learn to live by relating to others in person.

      I think your blog is open, wonderful and filled with beauty as well.
      ♥♫♪*…You …ღ… Are …ღ … Beautiful… *♪♫♥

  3. I have some of the same issues. I hate when someone interrupts me, then I have the tendency to do the same thing, when trying to make a point or suggestion. It’s a habit I really try to kick. I think it’s a little easier to do that on the internet, because there’s that slight “delay” in speech, so you can say something, post it, and then the comments come. Back and forth. Instant chat is a little different, a little more immediate, but I forcibly pull my hands OFF the laptop when I see someone typing, to wait.

    It’s a work in progress! I think you listen very well, though, Regan, and you are extremely insightful and kind!

    1. I couldn’t agree more about the internet pause. Thank you for encouraging my ability to “listen.” Funny thing is, I find myself really at odds with a lot of the comments I leave on others blogs. I start to second guess what I’ve written. I feel they’re sometimes too self centered, “My life…” or “My experiences..” I really have to learn to work with the voice in my head, and her negativity, lol.

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