The Life Wheel – Relationships
The whole reason I sought counseling in the first place was because of my severe failure in this thing called “relationships.” I had a rough go around with friends, the definition of friend and how terribly lacking in skills I was. I thought it rather fitting to start with this life wheel spoke, since it was the foundation of me getting “better” in the first place. I have put a lot of thought into the goals over the next five years for this topic. These are what I’ve come up with, and why.
- Be more receptive of friendship and love
- Be more reciprocal of both time and effort to be friends
- Slow down and learn to really listen to the other person
Since friends to me are more of a chosen family than they are ‘friends” it is important for me to be really receptive of their love; even if that means they are expressing an area of concern with me. As soon as my mind hears a constructive criticism it warps it to be an attack, thus closing me off for any possible acknowledgment. I become really unreceptive; physically, mentally and emotionally. I will sit there, arms tightly crossed over my chest. My eyes and ears focus elsewhere. And my mind immediately goes to that place where I’m defending myself mentally. I am aware of this and I have steadily began working on this area. Now, having listed it as an official goal, I hope that in the next five years my mental, physical and emotional receptive abilities are more positive.
Another area of problem for me is being open and reciprocal of both time and effort to meet, greet and get together with
friends. I have a huge social anxiety, most likely stemmed from my weight, where I usually bag out at the last minute. I loathe the telephone, and the length of time it takes to talk. I have no problem being totally open on the internet though. I am aware that friendship needs face to face contact to thrive in a healthier manner. I know that I have this mental road block preventing me from following through with friends. I don’t know why. I can guess because I’ve been burned by “friends” in the past. I’m totally afraid of judgment, back talking, and constantly focus on defending my right to be here. Looking back now, I see the irony in what I wrote. A friend doesn’t put a friend through those things. A friend is there for you, but…I have to be there for them as well.
In the aspect of ‘being there’ for a friend, really comes down to slowing my life down and actually listening. Life and friendship are a two way street. I have to learn to stop being in my mind and learn to live from my heart. I can’t stop talking… especially when a friend just needs to be heard. I’ve got this problem, see.. where I’m thinking of the next thing to say without really fully listening to what they are saying to me. So, within the next five years I want to slllllooooowww down and learn to be more present, calm and open to friends.