Compassion · Friendship · Healing · Journey · My Life · Negative People · Self Esteem · Spirit

Oh Noes!

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Family drama is the worst kind of drama. I have said drama running wild like a zombie virus in the city. I am not going to point fingers, that’s not going to help the situation. I just want to post my thoughts on it.

I have a sibling that I just cannot get along with. Both of our personalities do not mesh well with one another. There have been some incidents of the last week that have brought us back to the path of resistance, reluctance and drama. I am the type of person who reads, builds up anger and reacts. This is who I am. HOWEVER, this is not how I am anymore. I have come a long way, however, eight years ago I was different.

Having the knowledge that I have grown has helped me in looking at today’s drama. It also helps me to step back and try not to dictate the actions of another. Today’s quote, “We cannot teach people anything; we can only help them discover it within themselves.”~ Galileo Galilei

Everything this sibling has done, said and written recently is almost a direct mirror of the way I was too.

Anger really is a hot coal; “Holding on to anger is like grasping a hot coal with the intent of throwing it at someone else; you are the one who gets burned.” Siddhartha Buddha

I believe that you’re not the only one who gets hurt. Say you do burn your hand, what do you do? Yelp out in pain. When you get burned by the angry coal, what happens? You yelp out, but not in pain. You yelp, yell, hurt, and fight with those around you; as if they’re the ones forcing you to hold onto that red angry hot coal. The biggest thing I have backing up what I am saying, is direct life experience.

I too, stood there waiting to pounce. I too stayed standing upon my soap box. I too was able to see any wrong doing in my actions; whether they hurt or not. I too, assumed I was a rock star because I had the ability to tell it like it is. Yes, that is a fine quality. However, delivery is important. Hurting people because, “you’re just trying to be truthful” isn’t always helpful. Many things were said today alone. Many things that may be true, many things that are not true. And even more things that are a horrible manifestation of “fantasy” or what only that person believes.

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We are both guilty here. I never said different. I never fought.
Delusional Thought #1: You accuse me on thriving on catty bullshit.”

Reality: You text, even after I asked you not to; 8 times to be exact.
Reality: You called, started drama. I hung up, You called again.
Reality: I ignored you on facebook, you logged into your husbands account to yet again attack me.
Reality: You blew up my inbox at work with delusional rants and attacks. What was stated to me was, “None of us have the time or patience for your bullshit anymore.”
Fix yourself and let us know when you’re ready to stop blaming other people for your emotional issues, your weight, and all other bullshit that encompasses you being your age and still thriving on catty bullshit drama, not being able to maintain stable relationships”

Reality: When things got heated, I said, “Please don’t text me again, I don’t want to be apart of it.”

If a person thrives on the drama, they’d have taken bait. I didn’t. I nipped it in the bud and turned off my phone. When you didn’t get the reaction you wanted, you called the house and I hung up on you after your attack. You called back only to belittle my husband. “Your husband does need to man up and stop being coached by you. How you’ve maintained that relationship for as long as you have is beyond me.” …. Who’s creating and thriving on this drama? Not I, as a matter of fact when the house phone rang I cringed. I just knew all hell was about to break loose. But, it didn’t ruin my night.

Your attack in my inbox received this as a reply,I am not going to fight with you, you’re not worth it. I am sorry you’re going through whatever it is in your life right now that’s causing you so many health issues, your weight, inability to maintain jobs, and your chaotic emotions as well. I truly hope you get the help you need so you can be truly happy. I will pray for you.”

If I thrived on your chaos, I wouldn’t have been so nice. In your head you some how turned that into another delusion counter attack, it wasn’t. It was a polite way of saying, let it go and leave it be. However, and granted, your continual attacks of me, my husband, my family, and relationships eventually did win. I took your bait and responded after saying I wouldn’t. For that, I am sorry, I feel truly sorry for the pain you have in your head and heart. You may want to quit kidding yourself that everything is peachy with you. You are me at your age, I was very blinded by the hurt and pain I was causing myself and others around me.

My husband is the biggest support I have, that is how our relationship has worked this long. Just as I see you and yours. He’s the stability when I am failing at seeing the positive.

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The last thing I want to purge from the process, so that I may move on, is that our perceptions and realities of one another will never change.

You see me as:
catty, bitchy, drama, hateful, hurtful, angry, depressive.

Reality:
I was catty, bitchy, drama, hurtful, hateful, depressive and angry.
I
am thoughtful, compassionate, aware of my boundaries and when they’re pushed, wise to step away from issues not to create more drama, no longer angry, no longer hurtful (intentionally), loving, caring and yes still depressive. Depression is a disease. It isn’t something you wake up from. It is really hurtful when you make off the cuff comments about, “I just wish you’d wake up and get over it.”

I will reiterate again; I am in counseling and I am on medications for it. Please stop slighting me because of it. You have failed to see these good sides to me, the changes I have made. Maybe you don’t want to, maybe you can’t. But they’re preventing us both from healing and moving on. Change is difficult, not only for the person changing, but for the people in their life accepting it. We are comfortable with negativity in our family. We are comfortable with hiding behind it to keep ourselves protected. If I feel attacked, it is my right to say, “Stop” then pull myself from it; just as you do with anyone as well.

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I see you as:
conniving, manipulative, lying, hurtful, spiteful, devious, hateful, angry, “woah is me”, condescending, belittling and hurtful.

Reality: I truly am unaware of any changes within you. However, I have been guarded because of all the hurt in the past. I also know that I don’t really want to get to know you. I just need to be honest with myself in that regards. I see it as no matter what I do, you’re going to find the negative in it. I don’t want that in my life. I need people to encourage and lift me up; just as you do.
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I feel the healthy decision would be for us both to just go our separate ways. I am not vested in a relationship with you, and I know neither are you.

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5 thoughts on “Oh Noes!

  1. My friend, I think separate lives is a wise decision on your part, knowing what I know about your situation, as well as the personal experience of my own with my sibling. It sucks, but it’s true, that toxic relationships are nothing but poison, whether they’re strangers, friends, or family.

    I’m sorry it comes to this. (HUG)

  2. I have some relatives that I cannot stand for various reasons. I have no contact with them, by choice, and do not lose any sleep over it. I only have one sibling, but I would imagine that if I were to have this same hatred for him…I would probably break off all contact with him….even though he is my brother. I know this is the dumbest sentence I will ever write….but FAMILY IS JUST A WORD. You have the family you were born into, which you have no control over whatsoever…..and the family that you chose to be a part of…..which IS in your control.

    1. I do love my “chosen” family. A few years ago, even those I had chosen to come in close to me, where very unhealthy too.

      It’s a huge growth process to step back and acknowledge “this isn’t working.”

  3. I think you have come a long way baby. You are learning to weed out the people in your life that are toxic. Sometimes it is difficult when they are family because we feel obligated to family. I know I love my parents but they do and say things that I know are not good for me. But that is another story. Fighting is a waste of energy especially if it only goes in circles. Keep moving ahead and let them spin in circles alone. You did the right thing. You have lots of people that love you for you. Focus on that.

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