. Writing .

Daunting cursor – FFT (late)

“That damn daunting cursor…” she thought to herself staring at the rhythmic pattern that annoying line flashed on. She just couldn’t figure out how to put into exact words what she wanted to convey to her family. She started her sentences every few minutes only to find herself to slam the delete key back to the beginning.

This was the hardest thing she has ever had to do. No matter how pleasant she wrote it out, she knew the delivery would not be accepted well. She has kept many secrets from her family, but this past week has brought about a whole new bag loaded with issues. She wasn’t ready to go there yet; admitting it all was so final. She wasn’t ready to believe in finality.

“By God, something will change… it has to change. We aren’t given this life to have such misery the whole time…” she mournfully thought to herself.

But there it was, haunting her, that damn cursor. It prompted her to finally map out her thoughts and let her family know the truth. She has started her entry a number of times over the last couple of days, but couldn’t even compose one sentence;  one word. Her perfection in life wasn’t life itself, but the mastery of hiding and the finesse of lying. No one, not even her closest friend, knows the reality that surrounded her. But, as if life has put her on trial for her falsities, she must confess it all.

“To Hell with it!” She slammed the lid to her laptop down. She made her way into the kitchen to refill her tea mug, grabbed a handful of chocolate covered almonds and headed back to the table. She sat down, breathed in and slowly let it out. “Now is not the time to worry… time isn’t even relevant for me anymore.” She took a sip of her tea, embracing and rejoicing in the fine mint, clove and orange blend. She held the cup to her upper lip, and breathed in the serenity the cup held within. “To hell with it….” She reopened her laptop and started at that damn blinking cursor…and began writing.

“I, Lara McGuinn, being of sound mind, do swear by this Will and Testament being honest.”

Only able to get the first line down, she weeped 23 years worth of pain and disease from her core.

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