Unabridge joy. Unconditional, honest to God, true joy. I’ve often asked myself what the hell that was. I’ve seen other people who just .. smile. I thought they were on drugs or totally oblivious to what life really provides us. I was cynical, moody and down a lot. A lot has changed, but Sunday was the first day… I felt the change.
I posted on Sunday, “I’ll tell you what… I woke up in such a good mood. It’s totally flowed throughout the rest of my day. I’m digging this.” on my facebook page. I thought, ” Wow, what a nice change to wake up happy and just be.” I thought it was a fluke, a high moment, the sun was out and all.
Then I awoke today, “I don’t know what it is, but the decision to actually move forward with my life has totally brought me to a point of …. stillness, happiness and joy. Actual joy.” was what I posted on my facebook wall. I am not sure if it’s is just the changes within myself, but those I chose to have in my life as well. I am astonished to see the world of support that has started to surface.
One such friend wrote me an email through facebook and included a section of the AA manual. I’m not an alcoholic or drug addict, but regardless a lot is fitting with my life and current changes. I wanted to share it, because this puts into words that “Joy” I’ve been feeling lately.
Karen, I love you. I love you like the mother I didn’t have growing up. You’re life stories, trials and triumphs, are inspirational to me. Change is possible, but we have to make the first steps ourselves. You, Karen, are on the few in my life who has honestly shown and taught me this. Your encouraging words, no matter how short or how long, are very much appreciated. You care, you show you care, and you support me. You’re not afraid of a slip up on my part, an act to knock me back a few steps. Instead, you are there to offer a hand, hug or kind word to help lift be back onto my journey. I love you.
“I know these are the 12 Promises of AA (see below)…but it sounds like they are happening in your life because you have chosen to walk through your past and pain and move forward with your life. I’m SOOO proud of you, sweetie! Isn’t it a wonderful feeling? Especially when you can walk through it and it hurts so freakin’ bad and you are able to come through the other side and say “Holy shit, that was soooo icky…but…it brought me to where I’m at right now and that’s an awesome thing.”
I love you!
The 12 promises are from pps. 83-84 of the Big Book.
If we are painstaking about this phase of our development, we will be amazed before we are half way through . . .
1. We are going to know a new freedom and a new happiness.
2. We will not regret the past nor wish to shut the door on it.
3. We will comprehend the word serenity.
4. We will know peace.
5. No matter how far down the scale we have gone, we will see how our experience can benefit others.
6. That feeling of uselessness and self-pity will disappear.
7. We will lose interest in selfish things and gain interest in our fellows.
8. Self-seeking will slip away.
9. Our whole attitude and outlook upon life will change.
10. Fear of people and of economic insecurity will leave us.
11. We will intuitively know how to handle situations which used to baffle us.
12. We will suddenly realize that God is doing for us what we could not do for ourselves.
Are these extravagant promises? We think not. They are being fullfilled among us – sometimes quickly, sometimes slowly. They will always materialize if we work for them.