I’ve been biting my tongue a lot lately, in regards to my husband and marriage. He’s been saying, doing and behaving in a way that either incites a fight, or causes me to get even more resentful. I was waiting for the right time to tell him about my plans for my future, but it never seemed right. Last night, however, I don’t know what came over me, verbal diarrhea, but I blurted it out.
Again, he was saying and doing something that just immediately set me into defensive overdrive. Instead of snapping at him, I simply said..”In about a year Bug is going to want to head off to Job Corps. At that time I’d like to move out on my own.” He said, “I know. I’ve been trying to figure it out financially for a few weeks now.” Then he went into totally discounting my feelings, almost seeming to insult me.
“”I know you need to do what you think you need to do for yourself. I don’t agree with it, but I understand. I know you’ll come back eventually” he says almost cocky like.
I’d love to hate him, I’ve love to be able to have drama that breaks up the relationship; I mean after all this is what I’m accustomed to in my life. The norm for me to slip out of a friendship/relationship/anything is through a negative mean. This is all so foreign to me… being responsible and rational about my wants and desires. But, I love him as a great friend. He was totally what I needed when we got together. Last night, I told him this.
“I needed a backbone and support when we started dating.” I started. “I love that you were there for me, my support, when I was afraid to do so myself. We’ve been best friends for years now, years… and I don’t want to lose that.” I started to cry.
Then we talked about finances, budgets and what I’ll need to be making to make it work.