I have moved this last weekend. I moved in with a gay male I met off of craigslist. It’s been the best choice I have made thus far since deciding to separate and divorce my husband. For a minute there I thought I was headed down the same road I was on as a young adult. I was afraid of failing as soon as I stepped foot out of the door attached to the house inhabited with my husband. I truly felt like a fawn learning to walk on her legs again; and those legs were faulty at best. I admit, I made a few ill choices in an attempt to be rash and move out too quickly. I learned rather quick from the Universe that “no no, young thing, this is not how we’re going to do this.” I am constantly being reminded that patience is really my work piece right now. Everything will fall into place as long as I have patience in waiting for it to do so. In regards to that lack of patience, my new roommate (let’s call him Blanche after Golden Girls: His favorite show and the character he sees himself as) Blanche reminded me that there are three things we cannot control: People, Places and Things. Which leads me into the title of this blog entry.
So, I opted for a divorce. My husband, as good of friends as we are, still his a bit wounded from the idea of getting a divorce… understandably. With that said, something was brought to my attention that irked me, but not for me for my husband. Everyone who is close to me knows that we disbanded our paranormal team, as I was the one who ran the whole thing and I just want to take a step away from it. Everyone who knows me knows we’ve had issues with a few other teams, and one in particular as our “nemesis.” So imagine when how my husband felt, and eventually how I felt, when said nemesis emailed my husband and said, “Now that you’re divorcing her, and your team has disbanded, we want you to join our team.”
REALLY who the hell does that? It’s adding 120 proof alcohol to a very open and gaping wound. Not only is losing his wife, but the team disbanded too… so this insensitive jackass emails him two of the most sensitive aspects of my exe’s life. And that is what pisses me off. But, alas, I have to remind myself that this is nemesis’ path of life, not mine, to burden. I just wish there was a way to be there for my ex. I cannot control the actions of another… only my reactions to their insensitivity.
And for the record, I asked him for a divorce. He’s not “divorcing” me.
Another aspect of my life that’s going pretty good, dating. I’ve been dating a few here and there. I’m not looking to fall in love at this moment. I am enjoying the feeling of being wanted and pursued; both of which were severely lacking in my marriage. I am enjoying playing the field, and getting to know a variety of different type; mainly I am getting to know “me” through this process. I am taking my time, checking in with myself when I’m with dates. I am really learning who I am around different personality types. With that I can learn my “habits” in regards to attraction and feeling needy. I am able to put myself into check. Most of all, I am enjoying myself. I am learning new things about me, my sexuality, and my confidence.
I have promised myself not to rush into anything. I have promised myself to continue working on me, as I’m the only one who can change me.
I am allowing everything to roll off my back like water on a duckie, and only focus on that which plagues me, keeps me up, or causes actual physical effects. So, to those who are still on a path of negativity, I won’t allow it to effect who I am. I will only be there for my ex as he works through it as well.