“Anyone can give up, it’s the easiest thing in the world to do. But to hold it together when everyone else would understand if you fell apart, that’s true strength.”
Strength, what is this that we speak of? Today is a day where strength has escaped me. I’m worried sick, literally. I have stressed myself into a cold sore situation. Stress surrounding not working, worrying about keeping my apartment and my car, worried about my health, and so much more.
I know that things could be a lot worse, I get that. But, in the end, it’s just me and my mind; who has become my arch-nemesis. I have slipped into that negative self talk again, which leads me to crave sleeping instead of being awake to listen to it. I hate being here, alone, with myself. I hate listening to the words my mind swims around in, like a toxic waste dump of all things negative about myself.
I’m lonely to boot. I wish I could just shrug it off, let the weight slip off my shoulders and sink into the earth. Why was I wired this way? Why am I someone who festers on the what ifs in life?