Beauty, Compassion, Forgiveness, Gratitude, Happiness, My Life, Self Esteem, Spirit

I choose to be…

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I really needed to post this today, I’m feeling somewhat out of my elements. I had a long argument with my brother about my son this afternoon. 

Apparently, my working any  job I can, however one is available, is not setting a good example. My brother is fortunate enough to have had a chance to go to college and learn something. He now is a full time employee, with benefits, at a higher level position with a very well known company.  He makes good money, and he works hard for that income. I am not jealous, but, I am also not that fortunate.

My brother made the accusation that he’s trying to teach my son responsibility so he doesn’t live off the state income like his mom; i.e. ME. EXCUSE ME? WHAT?

I have been working, since last July, at four part time jobs; not four part time jobs here and there, four together. I have been working M-Sun most weeks. I work, which is huge compared to other women in my situation. At least I am working. It may not be ideal, it may not be a cushy full time job with benefits, but after being laid off for about a year, it’s nice to be working.

I would have thought that me NOT being on state assistance would show a good influence on a child. 
I would have thought that perseverance and strife to keep going would be a good role model.

Apparently not. I tried to point out that our economy is hosed, and there are many people working multiple jobs because no one wants to higher full time any more. He said that’s society’s excuse to blame others for not trying hard enough. NOT TRYING HARD ENOUGH?

My last interview in the Seattle area I was up against 322 other applicants; ya  you read that right. I moved across state because that’s where jobs lead me. My son chose to stay with my brother, WHO OFFERED, so he can continue doing well in school. He’s got one year left before graduation. I agreed. I didn’t know the repercussions were going to be me painted as a horrible influence. 

I’m trying here. 

 

So, I am writing this blog to remind myself of a few things.
I choose to feel blessed, because I AM blessed. I have gone from 4 pt jobs to one job at the hospital in two departments equating just under a full time job. I don’t have benefits yet, but damn if it’s not a great stepping stone.

I choose to feel grateful, because I AM grateful. Despite the drama and chaos introduced into my afternoon off of work, I am grateful for my brother. The end result is that he really is just trying to watch out for my son. He’s not intentionally attacking me, although he did in the heat of the moment. I am grateful that he was there to step in and say “I’ll take him so he can finish school here.” I am grateful he has the insight to try to teach my son responsibility. I just wish I wasn’t a speed bump in that process.

I choose to be excited, because I AM excited. I am excited because I am working. I am legitimately excited, thankful and blessed to have found work when SO many people are suffering right now.  

I choose the be thankful, because I AM thankful. I am thankful my brother at least cooled his tempo enough to hear me, listen to me and respond. I am hoping that this will not be carried out past this weekend.

I choose to be happy, because … well I AM WORKING on being happy.

 

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