I was one of those girls who had a real hard time accepting who I was internally. Especially in those impressionable years that are commonly referred to as “puberty.” Parents hate you. Peers hate you. Even your ‘best friend’ can sometimes be your worst enemy. I acknowledged this. I learned this quickly. I learned the game, the routine, and the plays to stay safe on the field of life.
I have always been a little off of the beaten path. I remember friends in school, and even years out of school, telling me, “Your style was so odd, but you were the only one I knew that could pull it off.” I had a ton of confidence then. I figured, “hell, if I can’t ever do anything to please ‘the masses’, I might as well lead my own pack;” even if it was a pack of one.
My mother used to tell me frequently that I had to “conform, just a little” if I wanted to get anywhere in life. Hell, my nickname is “Rebel Regan” and my mother so kindly calls me a “rebel without a clue.” What she failed to realize is that I am an individual. I am a person of my own. She should have embraced that and nurtured that. Instead, her words that were meant to “mean well” turned into a negative voice in my head constantly telling me I was not good enough.
I was young but seemed to “get it” better then than I do now. I do not know what happened along my life’s path that enabled insecurity, but it is there. I might wear that dress with a big smile, but every shiny surface I pass I look at myself and judge. I am my own worst critic.
It was not until 2011 that I truly learned that I was a pretty kick ass chick. I am intelligent. I carry myself well, even being an overweight woman. I dress attractively and learn to accent the positives. I am compassionate. I am creative. I have a whole list of “I AM’s” feel free to look them over by clicking the link. I also know that I can be hot headed, quick tempered, mouthy… but I always have remorse after the fact.
Through counseling, I finally got to a point where I refused to allow anyone to treat me in a negative manner. So why do I continue to allow myself to treat me in that manner. I am supposed to be my biggest advocate.
“Be Yourself” and “Be Good to Yourself.”
I am 36 and still find moments in my life where I struggle with accepting who I am unconditionally. However, I do try every day to accept who I am. I was made this way for a reason. I was made different, unique and free. It has taken a long time to love myself; however much so, it is still a work in progress.
“Words are like weapons, they wound sometimes.” – Cher.
It is hard when you have people who are just as insecure as you are but keen on picking up your insecurities and slinging them as weapons. It is commonly called “psychological projection” My words wound others, just as I have been wounded as well. We have to remember to be good to each other. But we also have to be good to ourselves. We allow others to treat us, and sometimes worse, than we treat ourselves. We attract those in our lives based on how we lay the ground work around us, by which seeds we plant and chose to nourish.
It is really hard to expect others to treat you well, when you have a hard time doing it for yourself. No one will love you until you love yourself. We teach others how to treat us according to how we treat ourselves. So be good to yourself. Start standing up for YOU, first and foremost. You deserve the same love, if not more, than those around you.
Affirmations for myself today:
I am willing to love and accept myself anyway.
I thank, love and respect myself.
I am learning to be okay with myself… just as I am.
I am learning to love, accept and appreciate *all* parts of me.
I honor myself for how challenging this is (has been).
GRATITUDE FOR TODAY:
I am thankful to be able to acknowledge this area about myself that needs worked on.
I am thankful to have affirmations to assist me and my mind set.
I am thankful for the self love and acceptance that I do have.
LINKS FOR FURTHER THOUGHT ON SUBJECT: