I hate that I keep getting told to “have faith” or “pray about it.” I’m having a real hard time laying all my eggs in God’s basket, when he was never there for me as a child. He has never come through.
I get one good step forward and something, anything, shoves me 10 steps back. This trek is fucking exhausting.
I’m tired of never succeeding.
If it’s me.. then fuck… let me die and not wake up in the morning. It would be so much better for everyone else. Everyone involved with me or around me. This life is not worth it.
I feel empty and utterly alone all the time. ALL THE TIME. I have nothing to offer anyone. My only great achievement is my son.
I am on depression medications, and they’re not helping. I really. Fucking. Hate. this Life.
I have no friends, probably my doing as well.
I have no outlets.
I am stuck in a ridiculously horrible town. There are no good people here. Just asshole twatwaffles who want to fuck everyone else’s life up. I’m angry. I am depressed.
And honestly, telling me that money won’t make you happy… or that it’s Satan pulling me away from God…. or that God has given me free will.. is all bullshit.