Beauty, Belief, Changes, Changing, Friendship, Happiness, Journey, My Life, Self Esteem, Spirit, Youth

Reckless writer and adventurer extraordinaire.

Grunge_girl_by_palmations

“Can you remember who you were, before the world told you who you should be?” – Danielle LaPort

Ouch. I read this on a blog/tumbler that I follow daily: Body Positive Zone and began really thinking about this question, statement.
I can remember who I thought I was before the world told me who I should be, I’m not entirely sure if that is truly who I was.

Rebel. Midst of the grunge era. Flannels, Combat boots, Holey jeans, T-shirts. I thought I knew everything. I was creative and driven my the wild thoughts the soared through my veins. I had a keen wit and a sharp tongue.

I just KNEW  I would be come somebody.  I knew I would be something better than my environment.

I was a writer. I had more stories building a life inside my head than I did outside. I was passionate about a lot of things. My friends, music, books, opinions. I’d go to hell and back for a friend. I was the odd girl, the loser, the one bullied… but I didn’t care. 

I care more now as an adult than I did then. The world told me to conform, the world first being my mother. “Conform just a little Regan, you have to conform just a little to survive.”  

I am not even a shadow or reflection of who I used to be. Twenty years have past and I reflect back at the awesomeness I was. If I knew then what I know now about myself, I’d turn the world upside down. But I didn’t turn the world, I didn’t even quake it. I conformed. All because my world, my mother, told me to be something else. Something benefiting to her.

I am now meek. I cannot make or keep friends. I cannot empower myself long enough to stand up for myself. I was a rock star, I am now only a faint glimmering speck of dust in the atmosphere.

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