You can kid the world. But not your sister. ~Charlotte Gray
It has taken me a while to write this entry, it’s something painful and frustrating. However, I have found myself thinking about this and at a point in my life where I need to work through this. If anything, to work this out so that I may be amicable come Thanksgiving at my brother’s house; see he’s hosting this year.
I have to talk about my sister, as I am very angry and frustrated with her.
There have been many times now that we have tried to fix, or rectify, our relationship. Each time we do, she does something worse than the last time, making it even harder to forgive and move forward. This last incident, which to safe face for both of us, was pretty harsh and negative. To sum it up, physical violence was involved, and it wasn’t from her… I pushed her. What I have learned in my life, and what I have learned in counseling, is that it is alright to be upset at a person, it’s what you do with the upset. I have also learned that it is perfectly OK for you to cut a person out of your life if you feel they’re too unhealthy for you, or themselves, to continue trying to repair a relationship with them. Unfortunately, she is both. She is very unhealthy, and every time something happens between us, it gets more and more painful for me to move forward with her. Any person in your life that can bring out such fear and frustration that it manifests into physical anger and violence, isn’t a healthy person to have around. This is her to me, and this breaks my heart.
See, the other night, when I decided to finally write and purge this from my mind’s obsessing over it, I was watching “Music and Lyrics” with Drew Barrymore. It’s a corny movie, has nothing to do with violence, but it does feature a very happy sisterly relationship, and this made me weepy. I decided to torture myself further and watch “In Her Shoes” with Toni Collette; this does feature a very unhealthy sisterly relationship and I related a lot to it. However, like true Hollywood style, the two sisters make up in the end. I just cannot see my sister and I ever making up and moving forward, she’s too toxic for herself, and those around her.
She has screwed me out of money, she has screwed our mom out of money.
She is a perpetual liar, and I am afraid she’s too much like her dad.
She is too manipulative, and tries to play martyr.
She hurts people, and I think she does it intentionally. She gets a rise out of people, and feeds off of it. If she doesn’t get her way, she will bomb your phone, emails, text with nasty, vile things to say.
She drinks way too much…. WAY too much, thus causing all of these other attributes to be more prevalent.
I only write this because, these are what I have experienced. Am I afraid of her, yes. But not in a “bully who can beat me up” kind of way. I am afraid of how she knows how to push buttons, mine included, and how easy it was for me to snap back into a hurtful, angry, physical person as well. As the quote under the photo says, You can kid the world. But not your sister.” She can’t kid me, I have been witness to her behaviors for years now. I have tried numerous times to move forward, and always get hurt in the end. Knowing this, it’s become hard for the family. Some of the family members are more willing to just live and let live; but I refuse to put myself into situations where I am getting physically hurt, or pushed to the point of physical altercation. Thanksgiving, is another example of this.
It’s going to prove interesting. I just wish we could be like sisters in movies… I wish she could grow up enough so that we could. I wish she would get help, so that she can see that she’s been healthy to herself and others. I have a mom, two brothers, and a sister. I have a son. I have very limited family, close family is almost nil. I have been able to repair things with my mom, and move forward. I wish I could have a sister. A real, loving, comforting, sister relationship.