My Life

Food for comfort

I wish the rest of my family would understand the reason I don’t drink. Although I have been accused of being so, I promise, I’m not ‘better than them” nor do I feel that I am. I have just chosen a life where, my addiction isn’t in the form of liquid but food.

I just didn’t get that gene, I don’t see a desire or need to go drink on the weekends. Yes, I do partake of wine or a drink now and then, but that’s healthy. My problem is, and always has been food for comfort. My immediate family drink, a lot. I grew up around it, I have seen the effects it has one a person. Why would I want that? I’m not better than anyone, I truly am not.

My brother moved back to town, staying with my mother, and vowed to stop drinking. He wants to get his life in order, and get straight again. It is kind of hard to get sober when the person who you’re staying with, who is supposed to be your direct influence, has struggled with depression and alcoholism for a majority of their adult life too. I think the hardest thing for me to watch is the continuation of denial on her part. “Oh, I just drink on the weekends.” Doesn’t anyone understand how frustrating that is. You can’t stay sober and say you’re an alcoholic if you chose to just drink on the weekends. This is an argument and plight I have had my whole life with my family. I just do not have that “I need to party” gene. I don’t see the attraction of going out on the weekends and getting completely smashed.

My problem is food.
I am depressed, food.
I am angry, food.
I am elated, food.
10 PM at night, when I should be going to bed, food.
Sitting in the house watching movies, food.

My addiction is a silent addiction. My addiction harms me worse than most addictions out there. You may not see  me in the action of feeding my addiction, literally, but you can see the side effects looking at me. I am fat, like beyond “BBW”. What hurts the most is, my family tries and tries to get me to go out with them. Each time an invite comes, I cringe inside. It’s a toss up. If I do go out, I end up stressed all evening waiting for the other shoe to drop. I end up being driver, thus putting me in a negative frame of mind. If I don’t go out, I get razzed by my family because they just can’t relate to me.

Sigh.

Today, I am thankful for my friends and husband who understand and respect my reasons.

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3 thoughts on “Food for comfort”

  1. Girl! You really need to say: “I don’t care”.

    Who are people to tell you, that you need to drink, when you don’t feel like it?
    That is simply a bunch of bullshit.

    Remember this. Many people with bad habits, try to make other people adopt the same bad habits. Why? Simply because it makes them feel better about them selves.
    It is always so much easier to look your self in the mirror with a bad habit, when you can say:
    Yeah, but everyone else is doing it, so why shouldn’t I?”.

    So the problem is not, that your family can’t relate to you. The problem is, that you remind them of the fact, that drinking is not the only way. For that reason, they blame you for saying, that you are better than them, when the fact really is, that they have a very low self esteem and are very selfish at the same time.

    The best advise I can give you, is to find someone or something, that can really help you lift your self esteem. Remember, that self esteem doesn’t come from external factors. It comes from your self. And trust me. I know.

    I have been the worst case in bad self esteem. But I comforted myself in other ways. By sleeping and not eating at all. So I was the opposite of you. Skinny to the bones.

    And how did I get out? Well it was a tough fight. Still is.
    No matter what people said about me looking ok, I would still feel, that I was the walking proof of ugliness. And nothing would change my mind. Not until I went through a personal crises that really put things in perspective.

    It’s a very long story, that I would be happy to share with you by mail. Feel free to contact me, if you feel like it.

    Otherwise feel free to read my blog. http://gittefalkenberg.wordpress.com/
    I use this blog to stay fit in my thinking and to share my thoughts and insights on spirituality.

    I found, that through spirituality I could finally find my peace. And this is really what it is all about. If you find your peace, nothing can pull you down. And the need for food will also decrease, as you find your comfort in your self instead.

    I wish you the best of luck.
    Stay strong.
    G.

  2. Sounds really great.

    Realisation is a very great first step, and support is equally important. So two great steps toward happiness.

    If you like, you are very welcome to download my reminder quotes. I have made these with one purpose. To remember how to stay on the bath of happiness and inner peace.

    You can use them as wallpapers or screensaver on your computer, or you can print them on pocket sized cards, and carry them with you.

    The quotes can be downloaded here:
    http://picasaweb.google.dk/gitte.falkenberg/QuotesFeelFreeToDownloadAsWallpapersForNoncommercialUseOnly

    Best wishes,
    G

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