I wish the rest of my family would understand the reason I don’t drink. Although I have been accused of being so, I promise, I’m not ‘better than them” nor do I feel that I am. I have just chosen a life where, my addiction isn’t in the form of liquid but food.
I just didn’t get that gene, I don’t see a desire or need to go drink on the weekends. Yes, I do partake of wine or a drink now and then, but that’s healthy. My problem is, and always has been food for comfort. My immediate family drink, a lot. I grew up around it, I have seen the effects it has one a person. Why would I want that? I’m not better than anyone, I truly am not.
My brother moved back to town, staying with my mother, and vowed to stop drinking. He wants to get his life in order, and get straight again. It is kind of hard to get sober when the person who you’re staying with, who is supposed to be your direct influence, has struggled with depression and alcoholism for a majority of their adult life too. I think the hardest thing for me to watch is the continuation of denial on her part. “Oh, I just drink on the weekends.” Doesn’t anyone understand how frustrating that is. You can’t stay sober and say you’re an alcoholic if you chose to just drink on the weekends. This is an argument and plight I have had my whole life with my family. I just do not have that “I need to party” gene. I don’t see the attraction of going out on the weekends and getting completely smashed.
My problem is food.
I am depressed, food.
I am angry, food.
I am elated, food.
10 PM at night, when I should be going to bed, food.
Sitting in the house watching movies, food.
My addiction is a silent addiction. My addiction harms me worse than most addictions out there. You may not see me in the action of feeding my addiction, literally, but you can see the side effects looking at me. I am fat, like beyond “BBW”. What hurts the most is, my family tries and tries to get me to go out with them. Each time an invite comes, I cringe inside. It’s a toss up. If I do go out, I end up stressed all evening waiting for the other shoe to drop. I end up being driver, thus putting me in a negative frame of mind. If I don’t go out, I get razzed by my family because they just can’t relate to me.
Today, I am thankful for my friends and husband who understand and respect my reasons.