There have been numerous studies that show human touch is necessary for a child to feel comforted, supported and loved. It has been proven that children need this touch. Today, my group therapy was pretty intense. I don’t want to go into specifics, it’s for me alone to process. But what I am compelled to write about is how fucked up some things are.
I can’t really remember a time in my youth (6-18) where I was held, hugged or supported. If my heart got broken by a boy, I was never hugged or held. If I failed test, I wasn’t encouraged that I would do better. I just don’t remember a positive example of support. Please know that this isn’t an attack on anyone, it’s just leading up to the “me” today.
Today in group, I did some work in some areas that I am having issues with. I was crying, frustrated angry. The group structure has two co-counselors, “healthy mom and dad”, and the other members are group siblings. They have been here far longer than I have, and have formed a connection with “healthy mom and dad.” I … am … so … not … there … yet! However, today, I felt a glimpse of yearning and possibly the first jackhammer toward breaking down my walls I have.
While purging my feelings, paying attention to what was going on inside me, I couldn’t help but notice the consistent “I need a hug. I need to just be held. I don’t want to keep defining why I was feeling this way. I just need to be held.” My focus has now turned to, “Why can’t I just ask for a hug when I need one?” I totally needed to just be comforted. I’m this way with my husband as well. Hell if I can cuddle or hug him. It’s rather frustrating to be tangled up inside this thorny vine of insecurity and being unsure.
In pondering and formulating this blog around it, I went to check out pictures to go along with the theme, and was pretty shocked that I couldn’t find any pictures of children with their parents after toddler age. This is where I feel that I need the most healing, ages 6 – on. How come? How come we don’t see photos of young kids and teenagers being hugged?
I started wondering if this was because of a puppy theory. A lot of people get puppies for pets, they’re so damned cute and all. But when they grow out of the puppy stage, and they’re an actual dog, a lot of people dump them. Are the kids the same? Babies are so damn cute…. but… kids aren’t. I really need a hug, and not a husband hug. I need a mom hug. I need a hug that tells me things are ok. I need to be held to calm down my inner child. Sometimes, I just need to be held. You know, one of those long held, full body, letting go and giving in hugs.